Everything seems to be dying off.
Fking hate how you are tattooed to me.
And how you are under my skin.
You're like a irritable stain i scrub so hard to get rid of but still leaves behind a mark.
You're like a speck of dust in my eyes no matter how i tried to blow away wont go.
You're like rain, who never goes away.

Today was wasted. I think that weather i live today or not makes no differnce,
cause nothing was done. nothing.
I listened to f4. *grins.
And it made me forget. fantasy i was in.
Till the two songs vaness sung.
Bham. Brought me back to reality.

I'm afraid. Rly am.
I'm afraid i will become irritating and lose who i was cause' of fking insecurites and ya.?
zz. cause, the words people said. I've become so immuned to sweet words.
I no longer feel. I feel the change. In everything. Including me.
And i know how i am now sucks.
I know. And when i said words to you on the phone, i was thinking 'wht tha heck,!. kristal,. whats with you.
With words i know i never speak., I spoke. Dirty thoughts polluting my mind. It smells.
i Dont know how all these could affect me so much. I used to didnt care a hoot, nor a damn.,
I dont seem to be in controll of me now. Neh uh.
And these days, all i feel was ' i am easily replaceble. shes better for you. you people dont need me. I've been a nobody. I was nothing. They need you more then i do, you're better off with them. ;
fuck. with all these self-pity. zz. Thats why i no longer fight. I no longer taaa.lk. Z.
'I guess i need time. To overcome everything.But before that, please, no mtr how my insecurites can ittirate a hell' of shit out of ya, or anything. Dont give up on me.
Cause' i know, the atmosphere seems different. Be it on the phone or whaterv.
I become so fucked- up,. Over one stupid thing.
I know you dont like the present me cause' me too detest the present me.
But know what.Time will come. time will go. --tghter with it evryth,

I didn't lose my mind it was mine to give away Couldn't stay to watch me cryYou didn't have the timeSo I softly slip away...No regrets they don't workNo regrets they only hurt Sing me a love songDrop me a lineSuppose it's just a point of viewBut they tell me I'm doing fine. Officially dead

Becuz i lost one.
i didnt wnt to lose another one.
i grip too tight, i hold hopes too high.i expect too much. thus things will be like this.
But.. i wonder. How long beore girlsf. would stay, how th bond will weaken. how th love will die.
Or will it never? Or will it soon?
When you siad you delted that line, my heart dropped a hundred stories down.
When you siad its due to being afraid you aint able to commit what you did.
its makes me feel.' Oke, you dotn wna disappoint me. but by deleting that line, you already did. And it sucks.
g-r-e-a-tly.
Nobody likes a person with insecurites, & muteness. So, just give me time. i promise you, th old kristal will be back in no time.,


Cause i feel like they can equally make you happy.
They try all means to be with you.
I on the other hand, accept it so naturally to be with you.
i think what you give me, its not worth it.
cause they did more, so they deserve more. is what i think.
so, at times i just push you away. and give you away. drag them in and share with them whatever you are givuing to me. for fear thar i was taking too much.And it feels wrong to get so much from you, when i did n-o-thing- for you., Wherease they on the othr hand done so much and go to great lengths. and all means.
i feel like they need and want you so. I'm ok as long as they are happy and you are. I shall not fight. You can go.--.

--and to find out, at the end of the day' i'm left with nothing.
causse' it was al'didvided up and sharent.,
with o.thers.