--You've been v.v.v.v. patient&nice. !
Funnyy at times. ! Aha.
I can say i've been crying like shitz cause' my heart was aching from everything accumulated.
Didnt know i cared so holycow much.
I've been the indecisive and fickle-minded one.
Live with it. i just am.
i don't know who said those bullshitz and all about me.
You chose to believe'em.,
Alls fine. They might not be wrong or what.
but you be your own judge oky.
*************
Chances Aplenty for love ! (:
One chance for studies onlllyyyy eeeh.
Cant let it slip away.
Not like that. Not anymore.e. Jue dui bu ke yiiiiii ! ~
No more disappointment.
There has been too many.

I strayfromlove.
Having butterflies in the stomach
and falling head over heels all th time
Cant be good anyway.

Moving on. !

From everything.


Peak up.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Day after tomorrow will be an even better day..
Day after after tomorrow will be an even even better day...
God will make a way.


GOODNIGHT!
Dont you see sadness in my eyes,
bcause everything you told me were just lies.

我的心里踏实多了（：
我要好好用功。
不能让自己有呼吸的机会!

Thanks Yiwen,Xinxin and Huimin! (:

You and me.(:

w.ithered rose.

''I am a flower quickly fading.

Here today and gone tmrw.

The way you toss in the ocean.

--who am i.

I dream.I can be the hero thats in me.I dream of a moment that forever will be golden.

Ranting here only makes people worried.

Just a quick thanks to Mr. Jiawei.Nj.(:

Coughing like hell.

i feel terrible atcually.

Theres gotta be more to life then what i see.--

Idontknow what is happening.

Do you?

--I Dream.

I am sad.):
Sad.

Such love I can never understand

Not a speck of guilt

Not a hint of shame

Yet accused by your very own

Not a reason for blame

Yet not a word, you said

As you took my place on that cross

Condemned to death

You never did deserve

Yet in silence took my place

Such loveI can never understand

Scourged and whipped

Your blood and wounds cry out

This innocence and pain

Such loveI can never understand

Losing voice is no fun.
Having to drink cups or water is no fun.Being sick is no fun.Having to see doctor later is worst.Iwillruntoyou-- \Zz. this post is screwed. 9.4.08

不知为什么心突然破了一个洞似的

我怕。











真得很怕很怕。

Sucker. Feel uzelezzzzzzz.zz. ah after th call.
B. T./:

But even enemies can show respect..
I have respect. For.
you. you. you. you. you. you. and you.
Great.

哪里有彩虹能告诉我。
能不能把我的愿望还给我。
为什么天那么安静？
所有的云都跑到我这里。
接下来的路要往哪走？

I wont let th littlest things bring me down no more.
I wont. I'll still carry on.
Being Gay. =)

Drug. Zz. Where are you.

I...used to.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

it's about learning to dance in the rain.

I want to try something.. different.

Piazza Hut,Chalet at aloha.'' Fun dudes.! (:

After gulping down a whole cup of vacardi.

At cine. With-dont-know-whoes bike !

Outside arcade! heeh. I love air slammer and car racing games!(:

K-box.

Mario. -- !~ (:

Yumm! A happy girl with a full stomach!

Watched Horton.

3 stars! (:

'' In my world, there are grasses filled with ponies.

My ponies eat rainbows and poo butterflies.

Went Back to Gmp for church service.

I almost cried singing the songs.);

I miss chapel.

I regret not appreciating those chapels every weds back those years.
I miss having chapel with grace,crystal,alson,fankai,marcus. ! (: Aha.

Those were the days/.

Went Macs with amanda's group.Nice people. (:

Took many photos. Will upload once sent.

Life has been fulfilling and great (:
I know i cannot expect to be happy all th time.

because then, life will be mundane.

There will be nothing special about it all.

Many events. So many i've forgotten.

Not joking but, i've been sleeping at 2-3am everyday since 13march.

Zz. Body's clock is all wrong. And everytime i wake up, i yawn. Wt.

Oky. Kristal.Enough.

Realized that i have'nt been giving myself a chance to daydream anymore.

That was what i was best at.

Now. I'm stuck in reality.

Now. I dont give myself the singlest second to fantasize./:

And i just found out my maid smokes too. Zz.

WakeupKristal.

You dont want to waste another day.--

开心！

快乐！

幸福！

冲凉！

Out of boredom.

Feel the saliva evrywhre ah,
Good teacher(:

Out of boredom.. again.

and again.

jacq~

xin!

Xiang! They say we lookalikeee(:

Why people complain cannot read my entries!

Eeeeeeee. Aha. Ass! Eeeee somemore.

Walking in the rain.. is. Nice.

Needed washing.

Wakeupcall lord sent. And i woke up.!(:

I'm a happy girl *grins.

_______________________

Ytrday, so shiok ah. Woke up at 5.30am. Eyes itchy and pain.Rubrubrub.. rub rub rub..rubrubrub.

BUT STILL ..zz, Rub until angry ah. Rly wantedto sleep till noon. Had a really bad dream.):

Dreamt about getting th suckiesresults , Bian tai. Decided not to sleep then and that.

------

Burgerking for breakfast at Ecp with Xin.Eateateat.Talktalktalk. Then.Suddenly, of all places, of all time, of whatever lars,Ass,Shija,Adrain aiya, I think al` the soccer boys came in.

Ass made me laughhhhh like shit. You lamo,joker,.funny guy~(: Somemore go act starwars, draw on the window! Hee. Xin knows. We came in like 1hr earlier than'em, But they left 45mins earlier than us.Hoho.Nvrmind. We know how to enjoy life ah. 慢慢来吗.

------

Was raining heavily. So, decided not to be fools and wait.Walking barefoot in the rain at ecp is th bomb. Spin&twirlenough alrdy. We saw anempty tent. Had a crazy idea to carry the tent and walk.Haha. Then continued walking for half and hour in the rain. A guy even ' Enjoy your bath' us.

Walking in the underpass alone and not doing anything is scary._.

------

Met stella and osten at Ntuc. Haha. Laughed like shit again. Man. Both of'em tghter.= POWER!

Haaai. Stella. 失败eh. Lmao. (: Mm-mm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Took bus to bugis. Cut hair. (: Likelike.Met heng&bought birthday cake for xiang.

Went to eat at Mario.Korean steamboat. And then i learnt that i dont know how to enjoy food one. I just gobble everything down. Nvr think so much about the flavour,taste shit. I stick to sinapore's. (: Loyal ah. Xiang's bf. was s.weet. Aw.

--------

Went k-box. 20bucks per head ah. /: And we 那时刻的心情喝汽水也会醉 !(: Enjoyed alot.

Went wild. Reached home at about 1am+ fall on the bed and sleep.

-------

Today 七早八早 wake up, go ecp clean beach.-.- Biantai.

Then went to stella's house. Hoho. Lunch was... luckily-not-as-spicy-as-i-thought.(:

Heeh. And Laogongpo kept 帮我加鱼-.- Aha

--------

Went down tk to fetch Max & Went to jiepin's house.(:

Watched My wife is a gangster 3. Wa. Laugh till sides hurt. Heeh. But i like!

Was so 激动! I kept moving forward&back when laughing till` my head hit the floor._.

Tmrw might be sleepover & saturday is off to leisure park for jacq's b'day(:

Jacqqqqqq. Lucks for everything ah. ! (: JIA YOU. with him!

Zz. I know ya.

you girls can stop acting-.-

Plz. I dont know what you're thinking.or what is happening. Should i just say goodbye?You gotta knw i have no energy now.,To savalge,to play mindgames,.Why do i have this bad feeling.That you;re straying away. that i;m losing grip. of u.s. Realized it did you? Why do i have this disgusting feeling you dont even give a hoot about everything you do to me. Stop. Making me feel so dizzy from the twisting and warping you did to me. Enugh,
I dont want.. to lose you. I dont want... to fall. I dont want...
Plz .
Dont call dont come by.
Dont ask.
I'm not your toy.

I just want to know.. W. hat I.s H.appening,.

"me ah?
Ya you.

I'mscared.Rlyam.

I'mscared.alsfdjsdhfsjhfdjhfsfhudsyhuwyruiewyhfuiwhfuiehwuhwuihreuwrhuwiehruwehruwehr
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddfof fallingasuidfudhfhdjhfsjhfdsjhfjdfhsjfdhjsdhfjshfjshfjdfhjkshfjdhfjsfhjk
Plz.DontLetgoofme.

Good Day.

I made the wrong-est decision when i was 8.

My greatest regret.---

the day i ticked a no to step into your grace and accept your open arms in glory.

chose the hard way.

竟然选哲了这条路，就要勇敢地走下去.

Though i know its not too late..

I wonder whats holding me back.

Nevertheless, i know.

you are still here.

--with me.

Song playing : At the cross-hillsong.

Oh great. I'm happy again. Tink!

(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Last night gastric camee again!.Painn.like fuck, Didnt managed to vomit on bro's bed though. ! =x Haah.ThanksSTELLA,HUIMIN,KEITH,JOSHUA. For those' you better eat now arhs. GO DRINK HOT MILK IT HELPS. GO EAT. (: words of wisdom.Z. Heeh. bet you're freakin` surprised to see your name here eh keith. ! hah. Oke. Blogger is getting irritaaaating. I cannot upload camp photos! zz. Sucker. Tried so many timees alrdy. ! Waste my precious time. Pui./ heh. Thanks JIEPIN for coming down to find me too.! (: Super surprised to see missed calls from you eh. And i knoow. My complexion is getting suckier lars. Enooooooough! Enoughhh. !I need ahmah's birdnest):Hmm. Nvrmind. By god's grace, it will be like... por-ceeelain' in no time! eh.Time to stop neglecting your skin kristaal. XIN. I order you to give me your skin!NOWNOW ): Rah.
[:x.]
Yeah man/. Cousins are planning baking and sleepovers during holidays(: Three cheers and three cheeers and three cheers. ~ HipHipHooooray. :D
After school care today was quite fun eh. Three of us managed to succesfully get through it tghter.! Hohoho' ' One more hour! One more hour! Fifteen more mins! Ending alrdy Ending alrdy! hahaha. After school care is good. Just that..it gets boring when we have to keep on studying for 3 hours. /:Talked a lil`!Oke. Maybe a little more then little.heh.And Drawdrawdraw with renee.She tested me my ting xie. I freakin` wrote each word 10times and it didnt fking helped. Cause' when she was marking she was like ' wrong! wrong! wrong! aiyo. so many croosses . CHA CHA CHA, Haii:D LOL. [ I faileeed); BUT. I'M NOT GIVING UP.NOT YET.
IF NOT HUIMIN AND STELLA SALIVA WILL BE WASTED. Heeh.

B.T. I dont know what i do w/o you. Zz.
Aiyo. How. Hahaha. And dont be angry nor sad over some engleland pooors lyk shitsssz. guy oke! Heeh.(:
Loves! Aw man. Gave my ehemehemfirsttimetoyoualrdylaa!taoyan., HAHAA.
Noo people. Dont think dirty .

We've got stars directing our fateand we're praying it's not too late
Millennium


Saved. Revived. Alive and kicking again.


___________________________________x.kristal.
Diaryslams.!

Shattered on the ground.
Go trampling down.
Three miles DOWN.
Fee Fa foe.


Whatever. Oke. Now, my energy is rly drai.n.ed. No dejavus plz. Its happening all over again. ! Happy. -----sad. Happpyyy--- sad. This cycle sucks balls. Why on earth cant it be happy-happy-veryhappy-extremely happy-happy. veryhappy etc. !

School life is... fun. But boring. Cause' we always do the same thing all over again. I dont like.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Skipped after school care today. And went to watch netball match against tkg. Won!(:
Cried today. Cause' __________ & I rly worked hard for studies. But efforts dont seem to pay off. i Dont fking see the results. I feel like its all useless. I feel like its all going down the drain.the fruits i wait for after labour aint riping. Results are still u.g.eel.ly.
They say perfect practice makes perfect. Crapz. They say ' wait, and you will see. But,. I'm afraid before i could even see, i give up! I need motivation. I need motivation. I need the rock. the push. Sb to show me the way.Zz.

i'mhappy. Cause' many said they would be there.
But to find out. They werent rlyrly. there.
I dont know.

--A nongnongtimeago.--

____________________________________X.kristal
Diary closed.


Here comes wasted head-spaceParanoiaAnger, misplaced feelingsLeave me nowhereAll the timeI'm so sick of people's expectationsLeaves me tired all the time,Daddy where's the sun gone from the skyWhat did we do wrong, why did it dieAnd if you've got no love for me then I'll say goodbye.

Three Miles Up.
Andlivin`onaprayer.
Whatever happens, i'm not gna break,




Camp is th bestestbest thing tht happened to me this year.(: To.ta.lly. And because the joy cannot be described just like that. And because theres just too many things needed to be expressed, i dont know where to start. Nah uh. But i will make evry second count,-- Oh yeah. I sure am.


1stday
Makan cheer.- sa, sa, sa, xi shuashua xishuashua,makan! I lovelovelove silentkillersGrp15) heh. Love how our energy never drains out.love how our spirits never go down. Love how we cheered wherevr we went. Radioo on!' . Evry littlest thing, we cheered. We didnt win in the end.But we know we're champions by default eh. 2H rock on. Love!love!

Pitched our tent. And it turned out oh-so-low. Hee. First timers.so...-Not badNotbad.(:
Did the 'balance on the rope to cross the muddy-river first. Looks easy but hard like anything eh. Then got stuck. Dropped. But Darius was nice enough to sacrifice and bring th chair over. My shoes got muddy shit.Liangyi took pictures! Hopefully, she send it. (: Then, did the nature rumble, water tumbler thing.Oh, i rmbr the name now. River cascading. heh. Low tide. Buttt, Our spirits aint damppened.! Still went in anyway, got pushed. cut. and stung by a 'ass-sharp like dont know what insect on my finger!/: It got swollen as big as my thumb. Rah. Indiannah jones was next. Classic. Hah. And i was praai.sed. heh. Zaczach(trainer) said ' Kristal kept going and going. She fell, but stood up,tried all over again.went and continued & gave her 110%. And thats how it should be. Evryone claapped. Aw. Siew Yen was rocking like a rocking chair. Aha. Happy. Cause' i finally 为我出一口气 (: Stella, Huimin & jiepin knows why,. ! Zz. you can talktalktalk for all i care ya. Cause' i'm not gna be dumb enough and nor are you gna be power enough to break a girl who thinks nothing but a 10cent coin of you. Brokedown on my way back. Aw. But it was alright in the end(: Had a good talk. Washed up.

And i cannot open the toilet doorrr! Evrytime i go in, eveytime i lock the door, evrytime i want to get out i find out i cannot open the door, i start to scream. I rmbred the second time, daphne kept' kristal kristal! relax. Just push the door and turn! ' hahaha.It really work! I came out and hug her/: heh. Then evrybody looked at me. Oops. i did it again. She sketched me on the bus too. !(: Pictures are promised to be posted. (: Went for a boat ride to see fireflies. The wind was super cooooool. Lullabyed me to sleep. While jiepin beside me kept talktingandtalking to get me to reply. hahah, But, i was too sleeeepy. Threw a paper ball at the trees where the fireflies are.They said fireflies has a 3days lifespan./:



2nd day.
All the loww rope courses and rafting(: Me and Jiepin set the record for the balancing thingg.(: Aha. But Darius and siewyen broke it in the endd after countless attempts. Zz. We had to balance on the seesaw thing for 10seconds. But did 9. /: One freakin` sec. eh. Heart pain. Haah. Then went for night walk. The stars are like.... b,e.autiful. I love the night sky la. Especially when there are soo many twinkling. And we go 'twinkle twinkle little staaars!(: Aw. I kept looking up till neck pain just so that i can remembr the sight. Even when crossing the bridge, which made me super dizzy after that. Took turns to walk alone.
As i walk in the valley,
wher there are shawdows all around,
do not fear for he will guide you
he will keep you safe and sound.
I will fear no evil for thy art thou they comfort me.
Raaah, forgot the song already la. zz.
But, i kept repeating it when i was walking.(:
Lord helped
Alot.

3rd day
Expedition to Mt Panti.Found a leech on me. But pulled it out before it could start sucking. Aha.If i knew that slimy,black, hair-small thing was a leech i wouldnt pull it out lars./: Wanted to try how it feels like. Zz. First to ate noodles. Cause' i think nobody wantedtoeat noodles cooked with 2flies. soooo, I prepared my cutlery and ate first. Ah ber said flies have protieins. Oke, nvrmind, Then did kayaking. Hoho. Didnt want to do it at first. Butt, jiepin...aw. cannot take it. that face and voice. hahaha, in the end 下水了. But it was veriveriverrri fun. !(: Campfire night was amazing too. First to perform and we cheered all the way. ! (: Throats hoarse. Sleeepy, but still high anyway! Girls slept in the canteen at night. 睡的好熟哦!(: Love waking up to see girlsf. beside mee. 那时刻,觉得自己好幸福.!

4thday.
Home-sweet-home.
C heered in the bus.
Slept at 6.30pm woke up at 7.30am.
I hope. I wish. I pray.
That 2008 never ends.


Laast timeee.
This is the last.
Each happy ending is a brand new beginning.

(:
Thanks for putting up with my attitude at times.
Thanks for trying to understand me.
Thanks for always comforting,encouraging & being there for me.
Thanks for listening to me.
Thanks stella, huimin & jiepin.

Everything seems to be dying off.
Fking hate how you are tattooed to me.
And how you are under my skin.
You're like a irritable stain i scrub so hard to get rid of but still leaves behind a mark.
You're like a speck of dust in my eyes no matter how i tried to blow away wont go.
You're like rain, who never goes away.

Today was wasted. I think that weather i live today or not makes no differnce,
cause nothing was done. nothing.
I listened to f4. *grins.
And it made me forget. fantasy i was in.
Till the two songs vaness sung.
Bham. Brought me back to reality.

I'm afraid. Rly am.
I'm afraid i will become irritating and lose who i was cause' of fking insecurites and ya.?
zz. cause, the words people said. I've become so immuned to sweet words.
I no longer feel. I feel the change. In everything. Including me.
And i know how i am now sucks.
I know. And when i said words to you on the phone, i was thinking 'wht tha heck,!. kristal,. whats with you.
With words i know i never speak., I spoke. Dirty thoughts polluting my mind. It smells.
i Dont know how all these could affect me so much. I used to didnt care a hoot, nor a damn.,
I dont seem to be in controll of me now. Neh uh.
And these days, all i feel was ' i am easily replaceble. shes better for you. you people dont need me. I've been a nobody. I was nothing. They need you more then i do, you're better off with them. ;
fuck. with all these self-pity. zz. Thats why i no longer fight. I no longer taaa.lk. Z.
'I guess i need time. To overcome everything.But before that, please, no mtr how my insecurites can ittirate a hell' of shit out of ya, or anything. Dont give up on me.
Cause' i know, the atmosphere seems different. Be it on the phone or whaterv.
I become so fucked- up,. Over one stupid thing.
I know you dont like the present me cause' me too detest the present me.
But know what.Time will come. time will go. --tghter with it evryth,

I didn't lose my mind it was mine to give away Couldn't stay to watch me cryYou didn't have the timeSo I softly slip away...No regrets they don't workNo regrets they only hurt Sing me a love songDrop me a lineSuppose it's just a point of viewBut they tell me I'm doing fine. Officially dead

Becuz i lost one.
i didnt wnt to lose another one.
i grip too tight, i hold hopes too high.i expect too much. thus things will be like this.
But.. i wonder. How long beore girlsf. would stay, how th bond will weaken. how th love will die.
Or will it never? Or will it soon?
When you siad you delted that line, my heart dropped a hundred stories down.
When you siad its due to being afraid you aint able to commit what you did.
its makes me feel.' Oke, you dotn wna disappoint me. but by deleting that line, you already did. And it sucks.
g-r-e-a-tly.
Nobody likes a person with insecurites, & muteness. So, just give me time. i promise you, th old kristal will be back in no time.,


Cause i feel like they can equally make you happy.
They try all means to be with you.
I on the other hand, accept it so naturally to be with you.
i think what you give me, its not worth it.
cause they did more, so they deserve more. is what i think.
so, at times i just push you away. and give you away. drag them in and share with them whatever you are givuing to me. for fear thar i was taking too much.And it feels wrong to get so much from you, when i did n-o-thing- for you., Wherease they on the othr hand done so much and go to great lengths. and all means.
i feel like they need and want you so. I'm ok as long as they are happy and you are. I shall not fight. You can go.--.

--and to find out, at the end of the day' i'm left with nothing.
causse' it was al'didvided up and sharent.,
with o.thers.

And if its anybody who make me smile,its you.
And if its anybody who found me back, its you.
And if its anybody who can make me so luan and huang zhang, its you,
And if its anybody who can make me so queit the whole day just to rmbr the tune of a freakin' song, its you,
And if its anybody who can make me laugh just because you are laughing, its you.
And if its anybody who can make me hear ' ni zhi wo de tian kong' 987000times and keep resreshing the page to hear umtil your blog jammed. Its you.
And if its anybody who can make me so afraid of getting replaced by somone else or what-so-ever in your heart. its you.

你揉着哭红的眼睛
你说这世界冷冰冰
你怀疑什么是真情
想放弃，想远远的逃离，
伤放在一旁别再多想,将过去遗忘，
不要哭泣，不要哭泣你应该被珍惜.
_____________________________________________
Bastard. I will be AM happy!
You TOOOO alright.
Thanks for everything you've done behind my back to help me.(:
heh. I knw you see the 'behind my back' will 'stuned dao.' right.
haah. But nonono, not like this.
And i rly mean it.
我是真的真得很爱你!
And eeh. My maid JUSTJUST 'eh kristal, whats the song you playing very nice eh. The melody very nice.' then i tried to translate the lyrics for her.-.- But abit suck eh. Heh. Bad expresser.
Then i think she hear untill bu nai fan already. Hah.



----------------------------
Drug.
You are another super super important person in my life eh!
我也要你快乐(:
http://whats-wif-me.blogspot.com
Her post for me make me cry like i'm watching some soap oprea./:
Heeh.
Thanks, You make me happy when skies are greey.
And you are great.
Never ever say, ni bu pei !~
Lets go k-boxx . I want you to sing for mee again.
Lets go ecp again, I want to lose to you in running like mad women to the crosses we marked!
Lets go b.k again, i want you to treat me two onion rings cause you were late! HAHA. and be all
' sorry!sorry!sorry!' then face redred cause you ran there.
Lets go suntann and try to make you darker.!
Lets go rollerblade under the rain and then sit on the grass and talk when the rain gets lighter again.
Lets try to folooow how that guy infront of us turn and twist and then knock into the lampost when i atcually tried. lets play nightball,soccer, and everything.
Lets talk about everything under the sun, in the night,
Lets sleepover at your house and wake up soo super early to go ecp and run but walked cause we were too tempted to tlaktalktalk-.- or maybe.. atcually,me!. hahaha.
lets shu yi er san mu tou ren!
Lets do all the many things we did and more againandagain.
C ause i can nver get enough of it.
you got me thirsting for more.
(:
ILY!
__________________________________________


S.W.EE.T AS.S.E.S

亲爱的，那不是爱情