who am i.
No mtr wht`.

Dont speak.
Bulleyes.


(:

Gimmemre.

nothing seems to be the way

that it used to.

evryth seems shallow,

lord giveme truth.

I'd think i give up.

On evrything.

Evry single tiny fking thing there is.

Matters can get lost.

Its just so tiresome to feel evryth al' at once.

So maybe, i choose ignorance.

i hate how my energy get drained over the littlest things.

i dont want to feel anyything anymore.

Theres a hole in my chest, where my heart used to be.

just yanked it out, & threw it away.

Job well done, kristal.

21st was huimin's b'day.

i forgot.

How could i.

damn.

& huimin taught me karma.

yupp. After al` that happened, i kinda believe.

What goes around comes ard aye?

And on the 21st, i had badbad case of gastric.

How come timing so perfect one.

disgusting lars.

Of all days, the day we supposed to celebrate than pain.

Stupid stomach,.

I got alot of thanks to give out though[: heh.

Thanks vinnie for carrying my bag.

Thanks kylie for Sheltering me with umbrella? hahaha.

Thanks Nikki for your shoulder to hang on to? lol.

Thanks poh yee, & i dontknow who dont know who.

heh. As long as you got help me, thanks.[:

& specially bastard![:

For your super super good umbrella ! hahahha.

Go change la.

For trying to catch me in case i fall-.-

Dont know what kind of protection.

heh. 5 stars?

& laughing like shit when kylie umbrella flew away.

hhahahhaa.

Then stopped halfway outside some house,

cause i couldnt freakin` hear a thing.

scary.

At least made it to piazza hut to see huimin!

big big accomplishment.

heh,

Then the four of us sit outside pizza hut.

force me eat.

Pizza hut was supposed to be nice,

but that time 觉得特别的恶心/:

I hate the hypocrisy of it all.

I need faith,

When I trample, who will pick me up and tend to my wound?

In fact, now I believe. No one,.

cause,

you'e not you anymore.

she's not she anymore.

he's not him anymore.

so am i not me anymore?

i dont know.

yes, i rmbred, kristal. you gave up.

On ervything,.

My mood now fits- Cry, by rihanna.

My mind is gone,

i'm spinning round.

And deep inside,

my tears i'll drown.

I'm losing grip, what's happening

And it cut me like a knife

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

但我知道要放开没有我想象中那么简单.

我好差哦!

sometimes,you feel tht being you is just not good enough.

'im not a girl,not yet a woman-britney spears.

can really describe my mood now.

bye world.

Hello?
Is anybody out there?


This endless road withouht a stop sign.
Cant even find a stranger this time.

Mood now: depressed.

damn it.
i Need to run.
Said that i will run 10 rounds below my house the path there.
in the end eh.
Never did.

& When i'm angry, i run faster.
Like on thursday.
damn it.
Shijudeeen. you gila arhs.
run four rounds/:
damn it.
then run & run run & run.
then come in as one of the fifth?
i dont know.
i just wanted to keep on running,
No mtred, how tired i am.
No mtr how i felt like exploding.
& lord, i will run to you.
Not my might, not by power.
but by the spirit of god.
& yes i will run the race, till i see your face.


Lol. i laughed alot in class.
Marc: whats after science?
me: huh.
Marc: whats after science?
me: huh.
Marc; whats after science?
me : HUH!?>
Marc: whats after science?
Me: HUHHHHHH!?
Marc: WHAAAAAATS AFTER SCIENCE LAA.
me: HUH?
me: ohhohohoh! whats after science ah? i dont know.
Marc: Fuck.-.-

heh. & lessons are alright[:
at least, right now, i can concentrate unlike 07,
when after 3 seconds then give up.
hahahha,


& i feel like a bag of rubbish.
I cant even get what i promised done,
i didnt even put in effort.
i cant even understand what is so easy.
i cant even look away.
i cant even spare a thought for others.
i cant.damn it.
dammit.!
Rahh.

i cant even fking feel happy for one wholeee day.
this sucks.
cry.

I studied history 2 hours yesterday.
I laughed alot yesterday.
I coundnt stop laughing this week.
I cried to sleep yesterday.
Its my lullaby.
I felt quite accomplised yesterday.
i still feel like running.
& stop running the race of life.
this life is like a game sometimes.
You're on my heart just like a tattoo.,

i miss..
i miss...
i miss...


i'vegotal`esymptonsofagirlwiabrkenheart,

今天我的世界不精彩。。
拼啊！

TOLD YOU IM GNA GET A BIG TEDDY.

heh. not mine.

4th cry of 2008.

No mtr what, Kristal taaaan cannot reach ten times.

abit retarded eh.

Count the number of cries./:

heh.

Got many photos.

Many things happend,& past.x)

The pictures shall do the talking.

i'm a happy girl for now.

No mtr what.`

& i truely am.[:

hees.

I love laughing till my abs hurt.

Upload some photos first.

Not everything down yet.

heh.

& its too late to apologise.

this whole post is dedicated to my freakin` bathtub.

i know you thinking apologise for what riightt?

but, i dont know eh.

just..just

like that la!

just really feel like saying sorry.);

委屈你了.

but i know its not too late to biao baaai![:

heh/.thick-smart.

MM-MM-MM.

from the bottom of my broken heart[:

XIEXIE NI.

世界的精彩都比不上你的微笑！ehemehem.stress.;><

有再多的遗憾

我不难过了，甚至试着往着幸福道路。

应为我终于知道我要什么了。我有目标。有奋斗的毅力。
hwaaat aaarh!

heeh,

& sweet ass pig brain xin![:
thanks.
study hard yupp.
good that you atcually sacrificed your sleeep??
miracle ayee[:
but, you know what.
做得好!
拼吧！[:

& i dont cry on the outside anymore..

Now or Never

And sometimes I can't really mention how I really feel inside because I tend to forget stuff the moment I start typing. Like I hv so many things to say, and so many different people to talk to,but then again I feel like if I were to tell that someone how I really feel, things might change because life isn't that simple and if I say something I meant but it sounds all wrong, everything might change between us.Because life goes on but feelings dont.Wait I'm not making sense.At all. Shit.)
----.

This morning high school musical played on disney channel again.Switched a million times but still can't find a better show.Sooo.Hehee.Watched it again.Roar.And..this time. I learnt so much. I listened to every word they said. And. whoa.

Once in a lifetime,
means theres no second chance.
So i believe that you and me
should grab it while we can
make it last forever.
And never live it by.
everyday of our lives,
want to find you there,
want to hold on tight,
gotta run while we are young, and keep the faith.
gotta use our voices and scream our loud.
together we will celebtrate


Dont wanna leave it all behind.


Its th bitter taste of losing everything you held on so dear.
We buld this up.
To watch it fall.
And we didnt try at all.

Now or Never

And sometimes I can't really mention how I really feel inside because I tend to forget stuff the moment I start typing. Like I hv so many things to say, and so many different people to talk to,but then again I feel like if I were to tell that someone how I really feel, things might change because life isn't that simple and if I say something I meant but it sounds all wrong, everything might change between us.Because life goes on but feelings dont.Wait I'm not making sense.At all. Shit.)
----.

This morning high school musical played on disney channel again.Switched a million times but still can't find a better show.Sooo.Hehee.Watched it again.Roar.And..this time. I learnt so much. I listened to every word they said. And. whoa.

Once in a lifetime,
means theres no second chance.
So i believe that you and me
should grab it while we can
make it last forever.
And never live it by.
everyday of our lives,
want to find you there,
want to hold on tight,
gotta run while we are young, and keep the faith.
gotta use our voices and scream our loud.
together we will celebtrate


Dont wanna leave it all behind.


Its th bitter taste of losing everything you held on so dear.
We buld this up.
To watch it fall.
And we didnt try at all.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION--.

Its the third day of school

& i already feeling so tired.

shit/:

But, its alright.

a moments pressure,

for a lifetime pleasure.

School's great.[:

toxic.toxic.toxic.

hohoho.,

i love. love. love. balloons![:

they make me oh.so happy.

hee.

Pictures taken at vivo,

in the other comp.

sooo, i only got this.

heh.

i look like a freakin` tourist in vivo leh.!

sheeesh.

sooooo, later i'm going to biao shu house.hheh. B.B.Q oh.then New Year also B.bq.

Caught a slight cold.hoho. merry christmas kristal.

Woke up at 2 today.shiokshiok.THEEEEN.i heelp to vacum my bed.hees.notbaddnotbadd.=x

atcually, doing housework qu.itee. fun eh.?ANd i cannot stop sneeeezinglaaaaa!.hoho.

& i can finaally sign in to msn with this new comp![: heh.

i'm the person who wakes up after morning.

i'm the person who gets irratated easily.

i'm the person who slams doors when i;'m angry.

im the person who gets lost & starts crying.

i'm the person whodontgivea.fuck about having a ring on my finger.

i'm the person who wants to rewind back to the past.

i'm the person who wants to erase the past hurts.

i'm also the person who is brave enough to live it all over again.

e.nd. of.me.

i'm worth 1240, 000,000,0000,0000,000,,000000000000000000000000000000$.

ok.offto change & poof.

I looked at a star on a starry night.
And began to weep.
And the star said,
Girl why are you weeping?
And i said,
You are so far away
I will never be able to touch you.
And the star answered,
Girl if i were not already in your heart.
You would not be able to see me.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!`[:
ILOVEYOU.

Spent christmas eve at vivo. blowing bubbles, playing with water,watching movie.
Spent christmas at Aunts's house. treasure haunt, cherade?? , & water balloon! etc.
Spent boxing day at home, glooming. okay lars, not every second. just at night?/:

Fuck. Whats your prob lars? Now all of a sudden, out of the blue,
suddenly,you are blaming me for not being able to cook??~. Like you can like that? Please lars, i cannot cook,.so what? & who are you to blame your wife on her birthday saying that she cant cook thats why she is a unsuccesful mother!`, bullshit. cannot just for once dont make things sad is it? try everyday to make things work. to sound happy. but wtf? you just keep pushiing & pushing & pushing.!

My christmas wish didint came true.
Santa claus, you wish-breaker./:
& look,they got their barbies & teddy.

When i grow up,
i want a big big big big teddy.

you said they said we were embarrasing.
but why do i feel like you felt the same way too.?
yup,i know.
you aint proud.
studies aye?
We'll show you.//

From today onwards,

i dont want to think so much or what.

i dont want to be sad.

i dont want to tou tong!~.

Atcually, i really dont know what to do,

how to start.

& where to find the strength for 2008!@

feel so guilty after spending so much on hair!~

100$ + gone like that.//

Grr.!~.

cannot do this anymore!.

NOMOREEELAKRISTALTAN.

--christmas is coming.

hohoho.

why is it that as i grow older, christmas seems..
less magical,fun & special?

Now its all said & done.








Dear Lord, i havent been a good kid lately.

aint a good daughter.

aint a good friend.


i also dont know why!`
But todday, i reaally enjoyed myself[:

went back to Geylang Meth. for service?

i dont know whats that called!

but i really enjoyed alot.

hoo.

found back last time the kristal[:

I dont know.

I just know i want to be happy!

so i keep a smile,

though sometimes i dont know why i smile also!~





Then cut hair spend $80/:

wth lars.

darn.





i became...

a good spender instead.

a mesed up girl.





hoho.

i dont know lars!

Christmas coming.

Mom's b'day coming.

Mom's sick, cant even talk.

I just know how to spendspendpspend & invite trouble.

i also dont know why leg!`





aiyo, whats wrong leh kristal?

i dont know!~


nevermind, i still have..

lord!





i must be brave!.

i finally found the reason for living--
& thats for you.

G.o.D[:

i think i really really dont understand at times.

but al` i know is,i really just.. in the end.

want a happy ending.

连自己的影子都想逃避. //

itreallysuckshowthereismoretoyouthanwhatisee,.
whatyoushow..
fuckyouforthat.`
Grr.
theres a limit to whatever thing.
dont be happy i keep quiet & continue doing it.
you should know.

&fallingheadoverheels.
thoughiknowhowitfeels.

youreaalysuck.
go home & be a cat.
you no. 2.


i'm still gay ya.[:
no more heartwrenching by you,.
no more.
i aint gna allow it to happen.!~

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun'>http://www.lets101.com/blog/quizzes">Fun Quiz

hohoho.though i dont believe in horoscope.
but hey, some are quite true.
haah. like fengshui aye?


--peace out II
[:

today is a happy day.[:
just that parents are really picking on me.;):!~
Grr.

yupp,guess al` is in the state of mind.

lord,when will i ever understand?

to be happy, isnt reaally that difficult to feel now ya?

guess its al` about letting go.

settle with the past, engage with the present & believe in the future.



it all starts with a smile ya?[:
hees. i have been stingy with smiles this holiday.
maann, no more.[;
the old kristal is back.
yipeeedude.(!?)

hohoho,.

yupp,nnow about the trip.
went to shanghai,beijing then shanghai then hangzhou then shanghai again.
gaa,[:
been on the train & privare bus & plane.
& while on the way to hangzhou in the bus.
the shifu freakin` knocked down a puupy in the highway.
roars,(!)
then me & xin screamed like shit.
wth lars.
the dog looked freakin` lost.
shifu tried to brake.
but hell no, we were going too fast.
the lil` puppy i guess got hurt.
or maybe even died?
roars(!).
fuck.
i was reaaaally darn worried for that dog._.
prayed 4 times?);
when i turned back, i could see its fur flying everywhere.
Grr.

hangzhou's really a nice place[:
maybe i should go there to unwind when i'm older.
the temperature,secenery,everyth. was superb[:
really was.
like paradise aye.
we took a boat & paddled on mountain water filled with oysters which contained reaal pearls[:
hohoho.
it was nice.[:

there was snow in beijing[:
& first time after so long, i manged to touch snow lars!~
reaallly always wanted to touch snow onee.
then singapore only got snow city-.-
but the snow was hard alrdy leh.
bummer.
but, it was al` cool ya.[:
& i cried the whole 3 nights in beijing cans.
so. i atcually.
reaaaaly think me & beijing just aint mix well.
hees.
then got one time is during the noon then cry./:
cause' about 3 or 4 people pull me back, dont let me go.
then keep asking me buy their shoes./;
roars.
then only left me behind.
felt darn fking lost.
then cannot control, tears come out.(!).

went to forbidden city, greatwall of china & it was freakin` cold.
think lowest is -5degrees eh.
many unhappy stuffs in beijing leh.
like quarreled with dad & so --on.

but nevertheless, though al` these seems like small lil' unpleasant things.
when this tiny things are added up toghter, it reaaly made a great day[:
its these small lil things that make a day spectacular.[:

& now i;m missing china like shit.
those small lil` kids who would hug for money.
those people who would follow us all the way just to be able to sell their things.
reaaly an adventure in china.
unlike singapore, where things are oh-so-peaceful & expected ya?
Super Safe Singapore.

i will remember that 17yearold' xiao hai zi![: sweeet-sweet.x3
hees. & what i did.
what i did seemed like what a drunk me will do..?


i'll remember:
those good massagers[:
those big black bears.
those cute lil` dogs.
the dog we knocked down):
the laughing so hard my abs hurt in the train.
the drinking as penalty.
and supposed to be like 6 people share one bottle.
but i end up drinking half of the bottle./;
lag. laaa me.
heh.
the game reaaaaaly geng wo bu he laars.[:
those 3hrs of higly low ktv.
evrybody i saw there.[:
evrything i did.
forever in my mind.[:
x.ia.o. haaai zix3!
roars.


i really hate how sadness loves my company./:
whres happineesssss?
is hapiness a face that doesnt look good on me?
it sucks how things are.
how no matter how hard i try,
sadness is tattooed to my heart,
from today on, being emo is a crime kristal.
dont commit crime.
i'm just a kid.
stuck in a tennage body.
ya.im just a kid, & life's a nightmare.
the soul within`,.
its not ready to grow up yet.
so, please.
dont make me grow up, feel the cold.
give me endless summer.
i'm not ready, not prepared.
& not willing to.
paps,& mama.
i reaally dont know what to say ya?
really dont.
tmrw is a new day.
things will be diff.
& dear lord,
i pray to be gay.[:

--thoughts in china.?


well,right now. i'm a happy girl[;

ps: links will only be done when i got my new blogskin[:

& xin,just wna saaay![:

you sweeet ass.

thanks for everyth yup?

i'm feeeling muchmuch better now.

ten times better then in beijing.

thanks for pulling me away from those shop owners.

thanks for holding my hand when crossing the road.

thanks for laughing & singinging & being there for mee!`

thanks for understanding how i feel.[:

thanks for putting up with my fucked` up mood swings[:

thanks for running down to the massage centre at 3am with me even though, you, the pig,needed sleep.

thanks for smacking me & aiyo-ing me everytime i get sad.[:

thanks for everything.[:

xoxo.--

surprised aye? didnt know i so sentimental one-.-

roars.

why did i become like that.

well, you better be hounoured xin.

this will be my last time doing this.

hohohoho.!

我到地哭什麼 哭什麼;

i'mstrongyeah.

stronger than your popeye ya, xin?

xoxo--.